Selfish, self-seeking, self-indulgence, need I go on? This is what I'm dealing with in this chapter of life right now. Wait, let me start at the beginning. As I've indicated on a previous post (Bang), 2008 is a year of change and renewal for me. In December I made a desperate cry to God and a few close friends. I asked for change. I needed to change or die. I was heading further and further away from God and contentment. I tried to live for God and I prayed for change but nothing seemed to work. Within a couple days, however, it began to turn around.
Early in February to present day God has been revealing my selfishness. Ugh!! This is painful and hard to live with. What do you do when God reveals that even your motives in ministry were selfish? Wow, that was hard to take!! I thought I was pretty unselfish. I am giving and do a lot for others.
It's not all bad. I wrote down three questions December 27th and by February 5th I had the answers.
- Do I have an important assignment for my life? -Yes
- Do I have close friends I can depend on to lift and encourage me when I'm weak? -Yes
- Am I anywhere near where I'm suppose to be? -Yes
So after getting my barrings back, I now have to deal with exposed selfishness issues. It all stems from wrong thinking. I found out yesterday how I could have hindered the growth of a family hearing from God. I feel terrible. I chose siding with man's ideas and feelings rather than God's. The best part is they chose God and I can change. If God reveals it He will fix it.
The change needs to be from thinking like a man to thinking like God. He is my provider, protector, sustainer, and guide. Thinking another way is a waste and gets you away from where you need to be. More to come...
1 comments:
Hey -
It's up to you whether or not you post this - I won't be offended either way -
No worries. Nothing you did or said could have ever hindered. Yes, of course, we need to be careful of what we say to people - however - people are responsible for their relationship to God as well. We can choose to trust Him and listen to Him, or we can choose the opposite. Ultimately, although wise counsel is awesome to seek (which I still think you give) - in the end - we are responsible for our response to God and responsible to hear His voice.
So stop being so hard on yourself. It's all good my friend, it's all good.
And don't worry - nothing that was said or thought by you was any different than what had already been wandering around in my head! Fear had itself wrapped pretty darn tight around me already.
Anyhow - don't worry about it. It's all good and God is STILL bigger than any mistakes (and I don't see anything you said as a mistake) we can make. It's just good to know I have friends that are protective of my kids so don't worry about that.
God is awesome isn't He?
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