It's my Fault

These are three words we never want to have to say. Usually when we say "It's my fault" we made a big mistake. Remember when you were little and 'somebody' did something they were not suppose to do and mom or dad said, "Who did this?". When "It's my fault" was finally said they got a whooping. How about at work when a project does not work out or you lose a customer. It's your fault and you just want to run and hide but somebody has to take the hit. In each case the parent and the boss will figure out the culprit so you had better come clean.
Whenever I am at fault I feel like a failure. I can't help it. I look at my progress in life and expect a certain level of performance. If I fail to meet that level, I become frustrated and want to blame somebody else for my mistakes. I may start yelling at every little thing that sounds like an accusation or put down. I have my eyes off of Jesus and onto the problem. If I could just keep my focus on His word and the promises He gave us, I could quickly get past this learning moment and see that His plan is still in place for my life. I could respond properly because I know what is right if I take time to think about it. If I had no answer I could ask God for wisdom and He would give it (James 1:5).
For some reason I tend to lean towards self preservation and avoid being hurt. Both of these get me into further trouble. Problems are not solved but only ignored. The more you try to protect yourself the more work you create. It can work it's way throughout your whole life. Problems grow at work, at home, in your health, in your marriage, at church, in your relationships, bills get behind, and your walk with God suffers.
In the end you start saying "It's not my fault". You could be so far down the wrong path that you actually start to believe it. In reality, it's all your fault and it won't change until you start taking responsibility for your faults. Confess your sins to God, get forgiveness, and walk in the right way. To know the right way you need to read the Bible, pray, and go to church. Spiritual disciplines cannot be ignored. To be in the right state of mind in peace and grace to walk effectively, we need to have a personal intimate relationship with God. Without contact the connection becomes corroded and we don't hear Him or remember what's right in a given situation.
So, being responsible in life takes courage and sometimes saying, "It's my fault". I struggle too much trying to escape this responsibility and need God's help to keep me connected and on track. Friends are another way to remember what's important in life. Talk about Jesus every now and then just to see where we are in our hearts. Sometimes one's desire to please the Lord awakens that desire in somebody else. Together our impact can be contagious. The very life around us can change just because we talked about Jesus. Joy becomes your strength and courage and the only thing that matters is making a difference in somebody else's life. You and God can change the world just by living to be a blessing. Give more than you get.

Fear

The thing that holds me back the most in life is fear. I also think selfishness is a big stopper too. God has a great plan for me and for others through me. I think the more I am into God's plans and will for my life the more I stay with His plan. If I think of my weaknesses I tend to withdraw from anything that could go wrong or I could mess up. I don't want to be responsible for somebody walking away from God or having issues in life because of my lack of commitment.
I would rather not do anything than something and fail. That is my fleshly tendency. Is this what God wants though? He would leave the 99 to find the lost one. Leaving the 99 is a big risk. The lost one is just one. Only one % compared to however many left when He wasn't there.
The one could have been killed or died some other way. He might never have found him. If I were that little lost one who went his own way and found out the way he chose was not right, I would want for my shepherd to look for me. I also think of all the little ones that would miss out by me not being there for them. I am gifted and blessed to be a blessing to children and would have none to bless if I chose not to follow God's plan for me.
God has been speaking to me from the story in Numbers 13 & 14 where the spies checked out the promised land and gave their reports. 10 gave a bad report saying how big the enemy was and how they could never defeat them. 2 gave a good report saying how bountiful the land was and how with God they could take the enemy. I know I usually listen to the bad reports given to me because of the reasoning and the many voices saying how 'this is the way it is and you can't change it'. Fear then grips on and the gloominess is seen in every report going forward no matter how good it is.
However, if I would remember what the Bible said about what to do and what to believe, I could push back that fear and see clearly that God is still in charge.
If I do what I think He wants me to do, I will have His grace and guidance to do it. I might not be ready to do it but He is still there to help me. He uses me because of my heart and faith in action.

The Last Hour

Saturday I saw my Aunt die. I never witnessed any body dying before and hope I never have to again. It was a really rough day. First we had to get ready and then leave at 2 am to pick up our Grandma from the nursing home then come home to pick up three more family members. Then all of us drove three hours to our Aunt's home.
The minute we arrived we were whisked in and placed right next to her bedside. She shocked us. We knew she had cancer, was on morphine and was dying fast. However, we were not prepared for her yellow sunken in face, her lifeless look, her labored breathing, and the motionlessness. She sat there and moaned. Each of us were put in front of her and said whatever we could come up with.
My niece starting crying right away and couldn't say anything. My wife was next. She took her hand and told her she loved her. Then Mom said sing her a song... She started singing 'her Jesus song' to her and everybody started crying. I was next and just didn't know what to say. I looked at her face and told her "I love you" while holding her hand. She then said my name as plain as day because several other people heard it. I was dumbfounded and in the meantime she squeezed my hand. She was still with us and could communicate if you listened hard enough. My wife's sisters went next and said their 'I love yous' and 'good byes.' Grandma had a turn too. She knew her daughter and told her she looked beautiful. She then starting crying.
Sis had some pictures with her and started to show her them one by one. She acknowledged each one. Some were of the Christmas party 8 months ago when she was the life of the party.
She came down to surprise Grandma. We put her into a wrapped cabinet and used a dolly to set it in place. They started the song 'I'll be home for Christmas' and at the end she came out and surprised everybody (that didn't know). I got to spend a lot of time with her that day and it was very special to me. That party really did reflect just the kind of person she was: happy, fun, and joyous.
Grandma went up one more time and said the same thing but she bent over sobbing this time and almost fell over. Being that she has Alzheimer's it was that much more special. People just kept coming to her side until Sis said a prayer for her and us. She died and I went outside to breathe. I could hardly swallow.
I never felt this way about anybody. I remember my Grandpa dying and shedding a tear but this was different. I didn't know anything, not how to act, feel, or what to say. I will definitely miss her and hope I can bring as much joy to people as she did.

Mary

Let me start by saying I have no children. My wife is a quadriplegic and has had problems with her cycles. We are going to be 40+ers this year. The conversation came up that we should start looking for Mary.
Now Mary is our daughter. She was shown to both of us in a dream/ vision about 10 years ago. Her age was between 10-12 with long tan/ blond hair. She was riding a bike in our driveway and two other boys were behind her. They were around 5 and 6 years old. I knew they were ours. I only had one other dream/ vision before and that one hasn't come to fruition either.
Yesterday I saw a movie that was about an orphan and in the credits it said: "Please...Consider adoption". I felt that familiar twinge that this was meant for me. I never felt this for adoption before. In fact, I told her that we should wait for her to show up because I showed up in answer to her prayers 19 years ago. I was open for adoption but not sure if we're ready. I think God may have taken me through the past 3 years to prepare me. I do long to have a child of my own but life will change forever. I may be spiritually ready but what about emotionally? Time to start looking. Does anybody have any ideas?

Christian Bloggers Network

Everybody who has a blog can join the Christian Bloggers Network on Facebook. They have a list of blogs worldwide of 500 and it is growing daily. The link is here.
The blogs are listed by country and by state. You can check out blogs from Africa or as close as your own state. I really think it's cool to see pages and pages of Christian bloggers. So check it out. If you don't have a Facebook account now is your chance to sign up. I know you can find old friends, classmates, coworkers, fellow church goers, relatives and a lot of other people you know. I connect with missionaries even!

Dull

My sword has been dull. I used it during VBS and put it away. I took it out a couple times to remind me who I am and what is God's will. It's dull and rusty. The verse that inspired this blog says one man sharpens another and that is when I pulled it out again. When I say "my sword" I am referring to God's word. Ephesians 6: 17 "Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
Now lets look at what is God's word. First, John 1: 1 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." John is speaking of Jesus in this verse. We know that the Bible is God's word. Now when we read the Bible God's word is in our minds and hearts. When we talk about the Bible our mouths and ears have God's word in them. So by activating the Word in any form: reading, speaking, thinking, hearing, believing, writing, or living it in action, we are sharpening our sword.
When I have a dull sword I withdraw and do whatever is easy and time consuming. It can be the computer, television, or movies. Typically all three of these have ungodly messages whether it is commercials, shows or hidden messages. Everything has a message and pulls for our attention. If we are filling our minds and hearts with ungodly things it dulls our sword and makes us ineffective. We start believing the negative things our minds tell us and start to fill those holes with whatever makes us feel better.
Why can't we just do what's right and reject the lies and inject the truth? If there is no more room for the truth we can't get the truth. All that's left is whatever we've been filling our minds and hearts with. I have learned more than any other time in my life that iron sharpens iron. We sharpen each other. By talking openly and honestly with close friends, you have an ally that tells you the truth and shares their struggles with you. You can see you're not alone and hope begins to rise once again.
I had a 13 year old girl show me where I was at fault. She recently came back from a four week missions trip and started spending early morning hours with God. She came back changed and it shows. I am proud of her and am humbled at her example. She has awaken who I need to be and what I should be doing. My priorities need realigned. 15 minutes with our Lord and a promise, it's a start. Thank you friends for the encouragement and prodding. You mean the world to me.