I Found Love

I'm sitting here incapacitated after slipping on some ice yesterday. However, I am doing quite a bit better today. I hurt my chest by landing on my arm in some weird way. At first it felt like I was going to die. I hit the sidewalk and the piercing pain felt like a heart attack. I came inside and checked myself out. I knew I hit hard but found no broken bones or bruises. I might be banged up a bit but Jesus was still watching over me. I knew He was right there when I felt that pain.
After I came in and got settled, I prayed. I knew He was listening and I knew He was going to answer. I am not as close to Him as I want to be. I let my devotion to Him become devotion to me. I learned in that pain, prayer, and then agape love from my wife that God loved me. He loves me for me and not what I do or not do.
Kim, my wife, came into the room and did something for me and I said, "You love me." She responded by saying, "How do you know?" She was just being silly but God used that moment to show me He loves me the same way. I knew she loved me for me and not because she felt sorry for me or didn't love me because of anything I did wrong. His love doesn't change. I may not be living 100% like I should be, praying as much as I should be, or serving like I should be but His love remains the same. He died before He got any love from me.
I don't know what my exact role is for my life on this planet. I don't know how far away I am from that plan. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing anything right.
However, this past year taught me a few things. I'm not as bad as I thought. Yes, I had attitude problems, selfish issues, and an agenda that wasn't from God. Also, my marriage needed fixed. I am not perfect but the Bible I read says to love others. I started this blog to love others and I've learned to error on the side of love. I choose to love rather than hold a grudge, argue because I'm right, or shun family because they have prejudices or wrong ideas.
I visited my brother over Christmas break. It's been a long time. I hadn't even seen my two nieces before and they're four and two! My family pretty much had me believing they were hermits, never leaving the house and not coming over to visit. We have many family issues that led me to avoid family as much as possible. I had a wonderful time and stayed over five hours! I learned all the stuff my family doesn't talk about and found out what my brother's family was really like. I plan on visiting this year and becoming part of their life. They are raising a family the way I wanted to. Life is too short to not love, especially family.