Life As I Know It (Or So I Thought)

I really have not had much to say as of late. Everything I have written is still happening. Anything new just magnifies what I already know. If anything, I feel my struggle to stay focused and positive is intensifying. I find it difficult not to give up and revert back to my wrong thinking and actions. It is hard to express what is happening in words. So I thought I'd try it with pictures.
This year has been a year of change for me. God has removed me from ministry in order to look at my life and fix what is wrong. I thought life was good. Sure it has it's ups and downs but mostly it is just fine. Sure, the marriage lost a little pizazz but we get along. The job isn't a dream but I enjoy being a hero of small portions. My relationship with God needed work but we talked every now and then and He took care of me. I was in for a rude awakening.
The picture I had of life just broke.
It seems good but Proverbs 16:25 says: There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. My course v'ed somewhere and I chose the wrong fork. My fruit turned out to be weeds instead. Matthew 16:25-26 But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.
I got more concerned about me than anything else. So Jesus knocked that picture of a good life and a perfect boxed in God off my mantle.
I feel like I'm changing and slowly making the moves He wants me to make. Then He hits me again with something I thought was right but I am 100% wrong. It is very humbling and throws my entire world off it's tracks.


Everything I thought and did is now unreliable. Almost every question has to be answered "I don't know". You would think I would be searching the Bible and praying constantly for answers. Yes I read the Bible, books on improving my life, and encouraging blogs. I also pray but I know it's not enough. I know I'm in the middle of this thing I have to go through. It's not near the end as I had thought. It's kind of like what the financial world is going through right now. Everybody is waiting and wanting the bottom to happen. Speculation is everywhere on the spectrum. The market is swinging on record day highs and lows.
The problems of all this turmoil took years to makes and it won't be fixed by a simple buy out. It will help but it needs to run it's course until all the problems are corrected. I believe this is what is going on in my life. Jesus bought out my sins but I need to correct the way I think, act, and believe.
The market don't bother me. I pulled out my money into a cash account until it's safer to put it back in. I know it will happen but I don't know if my job will. A lot of rumors are flying around. Anything can happen. I am not worried but losing my job would be a major change forcing me to adjust in ways I haven't in years. That scares me. This may end with me changing whether I want to or not.